Losing the Keys

Have you ever lost your keys? It used to be a regular occurrence for me, until I initiated ‘The Bowl’. The bowl sits near the door. It’s not one of those weird party ideas, just a place to store the keys. As long as I am disciplined about putting my keys there, I can always find them. If I don’t, a long search begins. I check yesterday’s pockets and bags. I scour the flat surfaces of the house for anywhere they might have come to rest. I try to recall my movements, where I went and what I did when I came inside.

Time passes. The search becomes more frantic and less effective. Eventually I stop and look properly. Sometimes the search involves my patient wife asking, “Have you checked here or there?”. It doesn’t help. If she joins the search it’s usually over fairly quickly. Maybe a bloke look really is a thing, but I don’t think that’s the full picture. Fresh eyes and perspective make all the difference.

Most of us have lost stuff which we then find incredibly difficult to locate. As we look, we are filtering information using criteria that we are barely conscious of. We look hard where we expect to find them and then glance over less likely spots. During the search, we may look directly at the object, but not see it. It’s all a product of our filters and attention.

 Rational Filtering

Rational filtering can be highly effective but can also be overridden by our emotions and intuition, so if it’s going to be any good, we have to pay attention. When we filter rationally, we switch on the amazing capability of our frontal cortex. We can think, analyse, segment, compare, invent, debate, rationalise, investigate, research and generally do astounding stuff with this part of our brain. It makes use of our skills, training and experience.

Intuitive Filtering

Intuitive filtering is often undervalued and underestimated in our current culture and community. Intuition draws on everything we know. We subconsciously tap into our whole life's worth of experience and arrive at a snap judgment that can be very accurate. It’s often difficult to explain how we came to our conclusion. That can make us question intuitive decisions. Sometimes we’ll decide there’s not enough evidence to support our call. We start to doubt it, and often discredit it. 

Intuition has its limitations. To be effective, it relies on sound experience and knowledge. An inexperienced person may still get strong gut feelings, and there’s a good chance they’ll be ineffective. A strong gut feeling can totally override our rational filters. Intuition can also lead us astray if there are real or perceived threats.

If we feel threatened we are likely to filter reactively. Both rational and intuitive filtering are overridden by Fight, Flight or Freeze (FFF).

Reactive Filtering

Reactive filters kick in when FFF is active. We physically see and hear less. As the frontal cortex shuts down we literally get more stupid. When we are filtering reactively:

• we miss more data than usual,

• jump to reactive conclusions, and

• fixate on less data.

Blind Filtering

Blind filtering is what magicians rely on when they practice their art. They direct our attention away from the real action, or just rely on the fact that we are not paying attention. Some research reckons we are not present, or not paying attention, 30-80% of the time. That gives the magician heaps of territory to play in. They exploit our lack of attention to create masterful illusions that seem impossible. It also gives us plenty of ways to torment ourselves with lost items that magically appear later.

Blind filtering happens when our attention is elsewhere. We miss information when we are focused on something else, when we are distracted, or simply not paying attention.  We miss a lot even when we are actively paying attention. Most of the time it’s not a problem, or it’s mildly frustrating - like the keys. But you can hide big and important stuff in those blind spots - stuff you really don’t want to miss.

The problem with ineffective Filtering

Misunderstanding - people draw different conclusions or misinterpret each other and the circumstances. There is confusion about the best interpretation.

Group Think - confirming what we think we know, rather than responding to the circumstances.

Wasted time and resources - many businesses I work with spend significant time and money going back over old ground. Re-hashing decisions, clarifying agreements, re-negotiating. They all cost!

Personal and collective stress.

Blindsides - missing crucial information and getting caught with our pants down. Sometimes we never become aware of what the issue was - we just get taken out of the game.

What are you missing?

Thrive and Adapt Principle – Believe Better

Humans have always been able to imagine a different reality and then bring it into being. It's the source of every innovation we have ever made. Research and anecdotal evidence shows that many people in survival situations stay alive against incredible odds, sometimes even defying medical science. It would be reasonable to think that they are people who are physically tough, or better trained for the situation. The reality is far more interesting – the one thing they have in common is that they believe they will survive.

There's a great example of this in Unbroken, Laura Hillenbrand’s biography of Louie Zamparini. Louie was lost at sea on a life raft for 47 days having been shot down over the Pacific in 1943. On the raft were two of Louie's crew mates – Phil and Mac - the only survivors of the crash. The book and subsequent movie is well worth a look.

“Though all three men faced the same hardship, their differing perceptions of it appeared to be shaping their fates. Louie and Phil’s hope displaced their fear and inspired them to work toward their survival, and each success renewed their physical and emotional vigour. Mac’s resignation seemed to paralyse him and the less he participated in their efforts to survive, the more he slipped. Though he did the least, as the days passed, it was he who faded the most. Louie and Phil’s optimism, and Mac’s hopelessness, were becoming self-fulfilling.” Unbroken - Laura Hillenbrand

Ultimately, Mac passed away, while the other two survived their ordeal.

Zamparini believed he would survive. He expected events to unfold to support his belief. He gave his attention to the evidence that suggested he was right, and to the actions that supported his intention to prevail.

How does what you believe about the circumstances you face shape your experience? Is it time to 'upgrade' your beliefs?

Here's a practical example

I was coaching a young woman who was regularly experiencing conflict with her colleagues. She is a dynamic person who sets very high standards for herself and the people around her. Her ineffective belief was, “When people don’t meet the standard, they are doing it deliberately to frustrate me”. She was experiencing lots of frustration and relationships with her peers were fragmented. The harder she tried to exert a standard, the more people felt pushed around and the less inclined they were to cooperate. After some coaching, she chose a more effective belief. “The people around me also want results, they just have a different perspective on what’s important.” She started to ask people what was important to them in their joint projects. For some people, that was enough to create some common ground and they began to pull together in the same direction. For others, there was more work to be done, but her frustration levels working with them dropped.

Sometimes all it takes is to consciously acknowledge your Beliefs and to choose a better one. It’s simple to do, but not necessarily easy. If you are handy with DIY, this worksheet will help identify and shift ineffective beliefs. You may also need to talk to a friend, coach or mentor - sometimes others can see our beliefs more clearly than we can.

If you don't already have someone to help with this sort of thinking, let me know, I'd be delighted to help.

Ancient Mindfulness

A hunter using handmade tools must be completely alert to the smallest signs of prey. A gatherer constantly scans for signs that foods are ripe. Colours, scents, congregations of birds, or insects all point to food. For our ancestors, a full belly was preceded by mindfulness. Distraction was a perfect recipe for an empty plate. Many traditional cultures were also mindful of the sustainability of their food supply - Seasonal Mindfulness. Many considered their impact on their children’s children - Generational Mindfulness. I reckon we are deeply drawn to mindfulness, because we understand instinctively that we do better when we are fully present and focused.

Viewed through the eyes of our ancestors, mindful clarity seems like an essential survival skill. In our time-pressured world that same clarity seems critical to Thrive and Adapt when faced with constant change and uncertainty.

And it needn’t take too much time. People have precious little of that already. I don’t know anyone, in any role, who is sitting around with their feet up, wondering what to do with all the spare time they have. The transitions between our many roles get more abrupt with less time to reset between them.

Some transitions you might make today:

• Sleeping to awake

• Alone to interacting with others in your home

• Passive to active

• From ‘home self’ to ‘work self’ (clothing, thinking, body language, etc)

• From the comfort of home into the ‘world out there’

• Into and out of transit (cars, trains, bikes, taxis, buses etc.)

• Planning to action

• Action to review

• Into a meeting

• Self-directed to directed by a boss/team/task/customer

• From following to leading

• Into and out of decision-making

Which transitions create the greatest challenges for you?

Which do you slip into without really thinking?

Some transitions are massive, like entering a really important once-in-a-lifetime conversation. Others are small and mundane, sometimes deceiving us with their simplicity and commonality. At each transition pressure can build or dissipate. Each is an opportunity to reset our energy and intention. Or, we can be swept along over the waves and reefs of life, being pushed by circumstances, rather than being in control. If we don’t deal with the tension created at each transition, it builds.

In the short-term, that build-up makes life and work less pleasant and effective than they could be. In the long-term, all those moments potentially add up to one big reckoning, when something big and important gives way, and we are forced to face their accumulation all at once. People face them daily in the form of major health challenges, failed relationships, projects, and businesses. Some pay with their life.

How do you deal with the big and small transitions of your day?

Here's a tool for clarity, presence and focus in the middle of moments of pressure or transition.

Thriving Under Pressure

People who Thrive and Adapt fully accept and face the circumstances they are in. They recognise what they can control and what they can’t. They don’t waste energy on things they can’t change. Thrivers recognise the flow of what is happening around them and use it to their advantage. They take action, solve problems and take responsibility for the outcomes.

Thrivers create calm and opportunity for themselves and others. They are highly effective in any circumstances they face. They are constantly seeing, shifting and doing - hunting for the most effective way forward.

Feeling the pressure…

Capt. Richard De Crespigny was the pilot in charge of Qantas Flight QF32 out of Singapore bound for Sydney when the Number 2 engine blew up. The damage was extensive and rendered the plane barely flyable. The workload in the cockpit was immense. De Crespigny was literally flying for his life and those of the other 364 passengers and crew aboard. It was definitely a survival situation. De Crespigny’s clear, cool-headed leadership helped the crew sort through an unprecedented situation and cockpit workload. He focused on what was working and what they could control, thereby avoiding the distraction of the many potential disasters beyond their ability to fix. They pulled off an almost miraculous landing with no loss of life.

It’s a great example of an Adaptor at work! DeCrespigny’s book “QF 32” is well worth a read and has many lessons for dealing with pressure and leadership under pressure.

You can download a summary here.

How do you adapt to pressure?

What can you control in your current circumstances?

A Daily Lesson in Survival

Every day I see someone pick up their phone while driving. The instant they do, they enter a survival situation.

Research by Professor Dingus in Virginia quantified this. He says, “Taking your eyes off the road to dial a cell phone or look up an address and send a text increases the risk of crashing by 600 to 2,300 per cent.

If people were genuinely aware of this risk, they would never pick up the phone on the road. It is a genuine, life-at-risk survival situation. To take the risk, there’s got to be a lack of acknowledgement of the circumstances they are in. Either a sense that, ‘I’m so bloody good at driving, this risk doesn’t apply to me’ or ‘The traffic is cruisey, I’ve got heaps of space and time’. There are only three possible outcomes.

1. A near miss - this is the best possible outcome. It might shake the driver out of their complacent denial.

2. A sudden, violent reminder that Phone + Driving = Accident. This is, at the very least destructive, always traumatic and in the worst-case scenario, fatal. Definitely a bad outcome.

3. The driver gets away with it, reinforcing their delusion - this significantly increases the future potential for 1 or 2 to occur. The fact the driver got away with it increases their sense that they are not in a survival situation. They are more likely to do it again, in increasingly busy traffic conditions, and for longer periods of time.

All survival states are like this. The risk may not be directly to life or limb. It might be measured in financial or relationship terms, but lack of decisive and timely action will inevitably lead to a confrontation with the risk. What critical situations do you face but chose to ignore? Where might your blindspots be?

Reference. Dingus, T, Hanowski, R and Klauer, S “Estimating Crash Risk: Accident data must be considered in the context of real-world driving if they are to lead to realistic preventive behavior”. Human factors and Ergonomics Society, 2011

Adapting Under Pressure

In 2004, I was part of specialist survival crew for the Pilbara grand finale of Pushed to the Limit a BBC reality show to find Britain’s toughest family. We gave the two final families a few days of survival training and set them off on a multi-day survival challenge. It was tough. It was hot. They were far from their comfort zone.

Each family had two adults and two under 18 years old. One family was a single mum, 21-year-old daughter, 16-year-old son and 14-year-old daughter. The 14-year-old was the stand out example of adaption for the week.

On a particularly tough day they walked many kilometres along a river in the Pilbara. They’d done it hard, making many mistakes and errors of judgement that sapped their energy and stacked the deck against them. They were on the verge of giving up. Mum had been the stalwart leader of the team, but was exhausted. She had carried 15 litres of water all day even though they were walking beside large fresh water pools. Even with the abundance of water she was badly dehydrating herself. The family lost their compass and flint. Confusion about navigation and inability to light a fire added to the pressure. Late in the day they dropped their tin can, losing their ability to purify water by boiling and make a cup of tea (tea is a great way to create a sense of control and familiarity under duress).

The family began to fragment. The 16-year-old son became a constant burden to the rest of the group and was pushing them to pull out of the contest.

At one of the checkpoints they were met by Chris Ryan (ex-special forces and BBC host) who got stuck into them about their poor performance. The 14-year-old burst into tears, followed by others in the family. It was a low point for all of them and looked like it might be the end of their story.

A short while later the 14-year-old daughter made a massive adaption. She lifted her head and dried her tears. She reflected on Ryan’s feedback with the family and decided that they needed to lift their game. She stepped up to lead the family. For the rest of the scenario she drove leadership, planning, support and motivation. She held the family together and rallied them through their toughest moments.

In that moment, and for the rest of the course she was an Adaptor, taking full responsibility for her results and rallying her family to do the same. She made no excuses, and was prepared to fully face the circumstances. She was prepared to carry others if necessary. Pulling out was no longer on her radar. She brought strength and certainty to a difficult situation. Her family made it to the finish line largely because of her leadership.

Circumstances

There are three types of circumstance we can face at any time. We can influence them but we can’t really control them.

They all have their time and place. When we approach them with awareness we can handle any of them well.

Some of the greatest issues are caused when people, teams or organisations are facing one circumstance but think, feel and act as if they are facing another.

As If…

I’ve met many people, teams and businesses who are not facing actual survival circumstances, but think, feel and act as if they are. That adds significant stress and drama to themselves, the people around them and the situation they are in. An imagined survival state can rapidly turn into a real one due to stress, poor decision-making and inappropriate action.

Similarly, there are people, teams and businesses who are facing survival, but think, feel and act as if they are not. Total denial. One risk is that they get abruptly, brutally and unexpectedly blindsided - perhaps taken out of the game entirely. An even bigger risk is that the situation passes, leaving them unscathed. This just adds to their denial, leaving them at even greater risk.

Neutral states are pretty cruisey and are often a chance to catch a breather.

Abundant states, due to their rapid pace, can leave people feeling as if they are in survival. As a result, they miss the abundant opportunities around them.

What circumstances are you currently facing? What are the indicators of that? The more clearly you see what you are facing the more adaptable your response.

Sometimes It Just Doesn’t Go to Plan

Sometimes it just doesn’t go to plan. I don’t know what It’s like for you, but for me being off plan can be deeply unsettling. It's easy to get caught up in ego, fear, and blame. It's easy to get reactive. In workplaces, it can lead to crappy team dynamics, highly transactional methods of working, mistrust, misunderstanding, expense, lack of engagement, presentism, conflict, friction and tension. How we act is driven by our perception - what we believe to be true. But the map is not the territory. Our perception has huge gaps in it, created by bias, blind spots, filters and our fickle attention.

Becoming a student of how you see the world, and working to make your unconscious assumptions visible are great ways to limit the impact of our limited view. It also helps us make the most of the diversity of skill and experience in the people around us.

Hasty Decisions

I was instructing on a Survival Course when one group made a hasty decision to walk past a water hole without filling their bottles. It was understandable, the waterhole was smelly and murky and they were certain a windmill lay just ahead. But they were wandering lost for several hours. They ran out of water before they found the ‘windmill’, which turned out to be a gate. They had misread the map symbols. Dehydration compounded fatigue - sapping energy and seeding indecision. They spent a hard, dry night filled with anxiety before stumbling upon a water hole the next day. Topping up when they had the chance would have taken the pressure right off. For the rest of their walk, they paused anytime they passed a potential resource and made a conscious decision to use or bypass it. 

This is a great example of rapid feedback in survival scenarios. Similar patterns play out at work when people:

• act without all the information,

• get defensive or aggressive about their point of view,

• are not on the same page, resulting in re-doing work, wasting time, resources and energy, and/or

• think they have clearly communicated to each other, but are actually mistaking 'windmills' for 'gates'. 

When have hasty decisions not worked well for you? 

How can you build more conscious decision making into your work?

What Survival Situations and Scenarios Teach Us

When I talk about my experience as a survival instructor, the audience is split roughly three ways. One-third thinks it’s fascinating and would love to get out there and try it. One-third never want to get caught anywhere near the outback with me. The remaining third think it’s interesting, but wonder what the relevance is to their everyday world of work.

Here’s what survival situations and scenarios can teach us.

Over the years I’ve been in actual survival situations on the ocean, on yachts and in kayaks. I’ve survived being pinned underwater in a fast-flowing river. I was there again trapped on a rope while abseiling waterfalls in Vietnam. I’ve put myself and many others through survival scenarios while working as an instructor for a world-leading survival school. In those situations, you get to see people right at the edge of their capability.

Speedy Feedback

Survival situations are clear. There are straight lines between choices and results. The feedback loops are rapid and aggressive. Outcomes from a particular way of thinking or acting show up quickly. Sometimes in minutes. At most it will be a few days.

A Snap Shot

You’d think it would be different in comfortable and controlled environments - after all, there is no direct threat there. But feeling or thinking we are under threat is enough. In modern workplaces, and in life, there's more complexity and the feedback is slower. It's harder to draw clear links between how we respond to circumstances, and the results we get. Survival gives a compressed snapshot of how we behave under pressure that can be translated to the everyday circumstances we face. Any time we are under pressure ineffective patterns get magnified.

How effectively people decide, lead, resolve conflict, deal with uncertainty, handle changes, work under pressure, build rapport, deal with disappointment, handle incomplete and changing information and manage expectations under pressure is key to modern workplace performance. Some people have a great toolbox of effective behaviour. Others have patterns that just make things worse.

What’s your toolbox like?

Thrive and Adapt – No Matter What

I spent 20 years of working in the worlds of survival instruction and organisational change. The personal factors that lead to people surviving or not, fascinate me. As I have studied and worked with people in a variety of settings - one thing stands out.

Under pressure some of us become instruments of our own demise, reacting in ways that are foolhardy and dangerous. Others survive.

Among the survivors are a group who do more than merely survive – they Thrive and Adapt.

Survival doesn’t have to be a life-threatening situation. We face tough circumstances in life and business as well. I reckon any situation that needs a rapid response to prevent it getting worse counts as Survival. The people who Thrive and Adapt show up all through life – and if you are not already one of them you can learn the skills that make it more likely that you will Thrive and Adapt – No Matter What.

How effectively we respond to the circumstances we face comes down to:

·      how we see the situation and how well we understand the limits of what we see,

·      our ability to shift our perspective and approach, especially under pressure, and

·      what we do consistently to set us up for success.

How adaptable are you?

How effectively do you see?

What motivates you?

I was recently asked what lead me to do the work I do. The answer is multi layered and it’s been a lifetime journey. This 2 minute video is part of the story. What motivates you?

Resistance to Change

Humans are actually really good at change. Our drive to make things better and easier has been one of the key success factors for our species. And yet so often there is resistance to change, even when we know it is a good thing we are trying to implement. The source of resistance is rarely explored, but if you can identify it clearly, it’s much more likely you will succeed!

The Survivor Personality - why some people beat the odds.

Research of the survivor personality highlights personal attributes that help people survive against the odds. These personality traits have been studied in a range of potentially overwhelming circumstances: 

• People lost or stranded

• Life threatening medical situations

• Accident and trauma

• Redundancy

• Prisoners of War

• Entrepreneurial failure.

One of the key traits is an optimistic mindset, but it’s not rose-coloured-glasses-blind-faith-fingers-in-the-ears optimism.

It’s optimism tempered by reality. Blind optimism may work in the short term. It’ll get you over a small hump. When pitted against massive adversity or long burn situations though, it falls over and can actually lead to despair. Imagine an optimistic view “the market will turn by the end of the week”. Each week that passes with no turn is another knock to the belief. Add enough of those together and the person may get totally overwhelmed by the circumstances they face.

Adding reality to optimism is simple - Focus on what you can control.

Here are some examples of effective optimism

What are you currently facing? How could you adjust your mindset to be more Unshakeable in the long term?

Reduce the Policy Load

Things had been dodgy to say the least. The organisation was losing money, and while it was never proven it was pretty likely that some was being internally skimmed. A new CEO was appointed and she was met with a tangled web involving people at all levels right up to the board. Had the organisation continued “as is” it would have been broke in 18 months and likely facing a number of legal ramifications. People were suspicious and guarded. It was an emotionally charged and manipulative environment. There was very little trust. The organisation was far from unshakeable and on the verge of being shaken to the core.

As the new CEO uncovered the extent of the chaos, the organisation slipped further with people running for cover behind blame. Factions began making threats in an attempt to ensure compliance or silence. Threats ranged from minor to very serious. 

In the aftermath there was very little trust. In rebuilding the organisation there was a strong swing to creating policy and procedure (P&P) for everything. It’s an understandable reaction - an attempt to lock the doors and bar the windows.  

However the higher the quantity of P&P, the lower the effectiveness:

• Higher quantities of P&P increase the likelihood  that some or all of your staff are operating outside the ‘rules’. The more there are, the less it is possible to know, understand and apply them all. In fact, time and effort will be spent finding work-arounds and short cuts.

• High volumes of P&P increase the annual workload of review and update. If the team takes the task seriously, it requires a detailed look at each document and how it is serving the organisation (or not). High volumes tend to result in a ‘tick and flick’ mentality that does nothing to contribute to the security that P&P are trying to create.

• People who will do the wrong thing will find a way, regardless of how thick the P&P file is. 

• P&P is a great killer of innovation and improvement.

• High volume P&P implies staff aren’t to be trusted and need every element of their work guided by the organisation.

• It raises the centre of gravity, by taking decisions and processes up the hierarchy. In turn, this restricts thinking and creativity at the coal face.

• High volume becomes addictive, as every little gap in P&P is hunted down and filled. It’s like  rabbits or those wire coat hangers from the dry cleaner.

Unshakable organisations are lean on Policy and Procedure, but do not leave the organisation without guidelines. Ray Dalio’s book “Principles” is a great example of detailed guidance that leaves heaps of room for flexible approaches to changing conditions.

A great principle for organisations who want to be unshakable is to reduce P&P as much as possible.

When reviewing documents, ask yourself “Is there any reason why this document could not be deleted or shortened?”

Lower the Centre of Gravity

The boat was skittish and unstable. Every time a small wave rolled beneath us we struggled to keep it upright. We were planning for an extended sea kayak trip and this experience told us there was work to be done. Fighting the boat for days on end, at times miles from shore was never going to work.

The solution turned out to be simple. A paddling friend suggested attaching a 1kg diving weight to the lowest point inside the boat. That small weight lowered the centre of gravity and suddenly the boat was easy and delightful to paddle.

If you want to build an unshakeable team, lowering the centre of gravity is just as important. Old world organisations relied on hierarchy and decisions being made at the top. It used to work. Now it’s way too slow, and too easy to disrupt. Lower the centre of gravity by empowering your team to make decisions close to where the action is. Here are some ways to do it. We’ll talk more about them in coming articles.

• Reduce bureaucracy. Be relentless in the pursuit of making things easier and smoother. Pay attention to where people take short cuts and either enhance the process or adopt the short cut. 

• Set clear boundaries for autonomy. If people know where they can make decisions and be backed by leadership, they’ll start doing more things, more effectively in direct response to the challenges of their work. As a leader focus on removing barriers and establishing the direction. The team will come to life.

And when disruptive situations occur your team will be more unshakeable.

Breathing for action

Last week we talked about breathing to relax. Breathing deep into the belly.

The steps were:

1. Breathe slowly and rhythmically

2. Acknowledge emotion 

3. Set your intent 

But what if you need to switch on and be ready for action?

The three steps are the same, just change how you breathe.

To be ready for action, lock down your core muscles, so your belly moves very little as you breathe. Allow your chest to expand and contract. The breathing is still slow and rhythmic, just higher up in your torso.

Breathing this way gives an almost contradictory feeling of being relaxed and ready for action.

Ideal for big moments in work and life where you need to be switched on!

Leading from where you are

"The team don't like or respect him", he said. "But I can make a difference to how the team operates, even if I'm not the leader."

It was an inspiring conversation with a young man who understood leadership. He was working in a team where the official leader was dictatorial and inconsistent. The team spent a lot of time over the 'water cooler' complaining about their boss and the direction he was taking them. 

"That just adds to the dissatisfaction and tension. When people push back they make themselves a target." 

When I asked what he did differently, here's what he shared:

• I don't buy into gossip. It doesn't help anyone. If something is factual, i share what I know, otherwise I stay out of it.

• I don't talk behind people's back, and when I hear others doing that, I pull them up. If I have feedback to give, I'll do that straight up with the person it concerns.

• I do the best job I know how, even when I don't like how the instructions are given.

• If I'm told to do something unreasonable, I respectfully  say why I think it is unreasonable.

• I maintain my own standard of work and encourage others to do the same - It's easy to let it slip when you don't like the boss, but that reflects as much on me as on him.

It's a great example of leading from wherever you are. This young man is making a contribution to his team and his workplace that adds value and quality. What he is doing makes his team more unshakeable.

How do you lead from where you are?

Stilling the whirlwind

I tossed and turned. It didn’t seem to matter what what position I lay in, I couldn’t get to sleep. My mind was a whirlwind of activity . It churned with ideas and sequences for an upcoming workshop with a new client. I tossed and turned some more, eventually falling asleep, only to spring awake almost immediately. It was as if the whirlwind had prodded me awake. After a while a thought adds to the whirlwind, “If this keeps up, I’ll be shattered tomorrow!”. It adds to the stress. The more I try, the less I sleep.

When I talk to my coaching clients, I’m not alone in finding it hard to relax and switch off sometimes. 

It seems we get the “whirlwind” from 3 categories:

• Stressful thoughts about things yet to be completed, things that make us worried or anxious, overload, tight timelines, big decisions…

• Creative thoughts like big ideas, great solutions, new directions…

• Processing thoughts like when you have learned something new and your mind is filled with it and how it fits with other things you know…

Fortunately, the Guerrilla Mindfulness tactic can be really effective in those moments.

Guerrilla Mindfulness is:

• 3 long, slow rhythmic breaths

• Acknowledge how you feel

• Clarify your intention

When I can’t sleep for the whirlwind I use it this way:

1. Focus on the rhythm of your breathing. Make the breaths in and out the same each time. Breathe into your belly. To do that, ‘lock’ the muscles of your ribs together and let your belly expand and contract with each breath. Try to keep your ribcage still as you breathe in and out. Let the belly fill and empty. Breathing this way is deeply relaxing.

2. Acknowledge how you feel, without getting into the story of why. You might be stressed, anxious, frustrated, excited, or curious. Use as few words as you can to describe your feelings. Acknowledging your feelings in this way reduces the stress hormones in your system.

3. Be clear about your intent - it might be ‘I’m going to park this for now, relax and sleep.”

4. Go back to breathing into your belly - slow, deep, rhythmic. I usually find I’m asleep before I count 7 cycles. If the whirlwind interrupts your breathing, be kind to yourself. Gently notice the thoughts and return your attention to breathing. Even if you don’t sleep, your gentle focus on the breath will have you more relaxed tomorrow than a night with the whirlwind.

Sometimes you’ll wake up again during the night with the whirlwind spinning again. Rinse and repeat as often as you need to. I also find it helpful to do a quick brain dump into a notebook to get the whirlwind off my mind.

And of course, if you find yourself getting stuck in a pattern of long term sleeplessness, seek help.

Next time, we’ll talk about using Guerrilla Mindfulness when you need to be switched on and ready for action.