Expectations alter Reality

Last week we explored how expectations kill people.

But expectations have another, perhaps more powerful function. They bend reality to meet us. Humans have always been able to imagine a different reality and then bring it into being. It's the source of every innovation we have ever made.

Research and anecdotal evidence shows that many people in survival situations stay alive against incredible odds, sometimes even defying medical science. It would be reasonable to think that they are people who are physically tough, or better trained for the situation that they face. The reality is far more interesting – the one thing they have in common is that they expect to survive.
 

There's a great example of this in  “Unbroken”, Laura Hillenbrand’s biography of Louie Zamparini. Louie was lost at sea on a life raft for 47 days having been shot down over the Pacific in 1943. The on the raft were two of Louie's  crew mates - the only survivors of the crash. The book and subsequent movie are well worth a look.

“Though all three men faced the same hardship, their differing perceptions of it appeared to be shaping their fates. Louie and Phil’s hope displaced their fear and inspired them to work toward their survival, and each success renewed their physical and emotional vigour. Mac’s resignation seemed to paralyse him and the less he participated in their efforts to survive, the more he slipped. Though he did the least, as the days passed, it was he who faded the most. Louie and Phil’s optimism, and Mac’s hopelessness, were becoming self-fulfilling.”

— Unbroken - Laura Hillenbrand

Ultimately, Mac passed away, while the other two survived their ordeal.

There's a powerful link between what we expect, what we intend and where we put our attention.
Zamparini intended to survive. He expected events to unfold to support his intention. He gave his attention to the evidence that suggested he was right, and to the actions that supported his intention.

You and I have intentions and expectations everyday, in every area of our lives, whether we are aware of them or not. They guide and focus our attention. For the greatest likelihood of success, all three factors need to be conscious and work in harmony with each other.

Asking yourself these questions will assist in bringing them into your conscious mind. 

What is my intention? Am I clear about my intention? If not, how can I make my intention clearer to myself and the people around me? Is my intention aligned to my personal values?

What do I expect in this situation?

Now give your attention to the actions and mindsets that serve you best in this moment, and watch as reality begins to take shape around you according to your expectations.

Expectations kill people!

In every survival situation I can think of it’s the expectations that did it.

The pilot expected to make it through lowering cloud… and flew into a mountain.

The prospector expected to find his way back to his vehicle… and was lost for days.

The lost man expected to find water… and perished from dehydration.

Reality! - No one in their right mind would continue into a situation they expect will kill them. 

In a survival situation the feedback is rapid. When you make a mistake the consequences are quickly experienced, sometimes in a matter of hours.

In our fast paced modern life, consequences may take days, or even years to arrive, but they are just as inevitable:

They expected the boom to go on and on...

He expected his staff to care as much about his business as he did…

So how can expectations lead us so far astray?
The fact is that our amazing brain treats memories of actual events and expectations of the future in exactly the same way.

“[Expectations] are stored in memory just as past events are. To the brain the future is as real as the past.”
L. Gonzales in ‘Deep Survival’ (2003).

The impact is that we tend to become fixated on our expectations, and then continue to blunder forward with a kind of blind optimism that believes the expectation will come to pass. That serves us well until there is a conflict – either between our expectations and those of another; or when reality begins to diverge from what we expect. At that point we have the choice of reformulating our expectations. If we don’t we are destined to encounter disappointment, conflict and friction.

The biggest challenge is being aware of what your expectations actually are. Most are formed without any conscious thought. for more on that see recent post http://goo.gl/dHZydF

I use a couple of great questions to clarify my own expectations:

1. What do I expect in this situation?
2. What is the impact on myself and others if this expectation is not met?

Once you are clear about your own expectations, one of the greatest gifts you can give to others is to clearly communicate your expectations with them, and seek to understand theirs.

The beginning of a new financial year is a great time to intentionally discuss your expectations in business. Are your strategies sound in the current reality? Are you tuned in to the expectations of your clients or customers? Does your team have a clear picture of what is expected of them, including how success will be measured or judged? Have you spent some time exploring the plausible "what if" scenarios for your business? 

Why take your team outside?

I had an interesting conversation with a corporate client last week about Outdoor Team Building. We were reminiscing about the late '80's and early '90's when adventure based activities were popular as a company team building event. People in their droves swapped suits for bush clothes and paddled, climbed, swung, paint balled and built their way to team success.

Most activities like this have a similar formula - a problem that can only be solved/overcome by a team who can innovate, communicate and cooperate. It's a solid formula. Most workplaces are attempting to create teams that do just that. So why did these programs all but disappear?

• One size fits all - Despite being highly flexible about activities and locations, the vast majority of operators ran the same program, regardless of the client. The place and activities might change, but how and why it was done remained much the same.
• No connection - The potential links between activities and the people doing them were poorly explored. It was fun but didn't relate to the "real world".
• Missed opportunities - Most programs were staffed by technically skilled young people who knew the activities inside out. Some had leadership experience, but mostly in the outdoors. Few had business experience. Activities were often debriefed in very superficial ways. Canned debriefs included sweeping, generalised statements like "So you see, communication is really important". Participants were given opportunities to reflect on behaviour, but few tools for any significant change. In the worst of programs, teams were actually worse off. They had seen and confronted ineffective team behaviour, and left the program aware, disgruntled and unsupported.

NOTE: These are generalisations. There were and are a few excellent companies providing such activities that do an awesome job of all the above.

So why do I recommend companies take their teams outside?

“I just wanted to pass on my gratitude and appreciation for the planning, facilitation, insights, activities, catering and all the other experiences and knowledge created over the 2-day bush retreat. I’m sure I’m not the only one who gained a lot from it including how to use a compass correctly!

The additional resources you gave us are perfect. I set up meetings with each Area manager to work on improving my unit’s service and delivery to them. I am confident that the questions and guidance you provided will assist in us understanding our customer needs and focusing our resources correctly.”

— Senior Manager - Bush Retreat

• Different environment - Stepping out of the familiar work setting changes everything. Hierarchy seems less important. The pace naturally slows. Corporate language and formality drop away. Habitual ways of relating to each other are reset. Communication improves. Silo walls get torn down.
• Perception expands - Physically people's eyes move from short intense focus to broad soft focus. As teams renegotiate their way of being together, previously unspoken assumptions about "the way things are done around here" get some conscious air time. Collective and self awareness rises. 
• It's restorative - A growing body of research shows attention, cognitive function and productivity all rise as a result of being outside. Stress, mental fatigue, depression and anxiety all reduce. Almost every company I have worked with is attempting to address one or more of these issues continuously in the workplace.

The bush is no magic bullet, but a well thought out and delivered outdoors program can have massive and lasting effects. If you would like to discuss how you might use some outdoor time this financial year, feel free to be in touch.

Beauty, Sandflies and Friction

Last week I took a short break with a good mate. We spent a few days camped on a beautiful and remote freshwater lake. These lakes only fill on occasional years in the arid outback, and they dry up fairly quickly, so the opportunity was fleeting. The photo captured part of a 100 strong flock swans relocating for the night.

We were surrounded by ephemeral beauty, far from the distractions of everyday life, and yet there was a real risk of missing it all. We were distracted by agents of torment - millions of sandflies making the most of ideal breeding conditions. 

A sandfly bite is not initially painful and the insect is tiny enough to go almost unnoticed, even in their droves. But there's a catch. After a while the bites itch beyond belief, the kind of itching that has you lying awake at night, tearing at your own flesh and teetering on the edge of madness. The level of discomfort steadily builds over multiple days.

The key is to notice the sandfly early. If you pay attention to the first minor bites, and get some good quality repellant on, the later torment can be minimised and almost avoided. The trouble is, at the moment of most effective action, the issue doesn't seem big enough to bother with.

Many issues in life and business are like that - starting small and insignificant, and building in intensity. One of my Thrive and Adapt principles is "Treat the Hotspots". It's about the discipline to notice and deal with issues while they are still small. 

The indicators of a potentially building issue are tension, friction or conflict either within yourself, or between you and/or others. This short (just under 4 min) video talks about how to deal with friction effectively.

What are the minor niggles you need to get onto this week?

What's holding us back?

Over the last couple of years I've facilitated a number of conversations with not for profit organisations who provide care services to people. Many of them have a long history, being among the oldest charities in Western Australia. They provide services to people who are marginalised in our community. People with disability, folks who are ageing, others who have a mental illness. 

Across Australia, in all three sectors there is major reform - some of the most significant changes we have seen in 100 years. The primary thrust of reforms are that people will have more choice and say in the services they receive, and they will have some control over how their service funding is spent. For the first time, they will be genuine customers, rather than simply consumers of service.

It's no small change. It's taken years to arrive. It's major disruption. There is both excitement and trepidation in the industry.

In the past human services organisations have operated using block funding. Each year a "block" of funding was paid to the organisation to run its services. Measures of success were things like hours provided, or number of beds. People using services had choices, but they were limited to homogenous services that were mostly unresponsive to their voice. It's not that agencies didn't care. Most organisations and people in them are set up specifically to make the world a better place in some way. The nature of funding simply meant that they were more answerable to funding bodies, than the people they served.

Over the last 10 years or so, there has been an increasing move to individual funding. People were assigned an amount of money based on need. Funding was still paid to organisations and service offerings were in a fairly narrow band.

The new reforms actually place money in the hands of the people needing the service. They get to choose who they spend it with. Organisations are needing to be more efficient, more customer responsive and more commercially minded.

So what has this got to do with expectations that keep us here? Historically, many people who have worked in human services have done so precisely because it is not a commercial environment. Many feel that a commercial element is more likely to be cut throat and uncaring. Most of the organisations I have worked with have expressed an expectation that looks something like this.

“If we do what it takes to survive in an environment of margins, cash flow and economies of scale we will be less caring to the people who need us the most. It will detract and distract us from our core purpose.”

With this expectation, participation in the new models of funding is unappealing and feels like selling out. But as with many expectations, it's not a binary choice. It's not either/or. The best way around expectations that constrain forward movement is to ask better questions. "What would it take to exceed our expectations about caring, and be more commercially smart?" " What are some great examples of large, profitable businesses whose customers love their services, and the way they are cared for?" "How can we ensure that our commercial models have people at the centre, rather than costs?"

Providing a great service = happy customers. Caring about them deeply = connection. If the recipe is right you will have more customers than you can provide a service to, and business is likely to be pretty good too.

Resistance?

The time loomed close. At first light just before dawn, the group was to set off into unknown territory. Yesterday was a long day. Walking across a harsh and rugged landscape with minimal supplies and uncertain access to water. Their bed had been scraped out among rocks and sticks. Sleep had been elusive, caught in short bursts of an hour or two and punctuated by the need to stoke the fire for warmth or ease the pressure of sleeping on the ground.

In the pre dawn stillness, I heard someone throw up. Not a good start to the day! As the team medic, it was my job to investigate and assess. I was surprised by what I found. The young man who was ill was by far the fittest member of the group. Well trained, confident and competent. He'd been talking about taking this trip for over 2 years, and was planning to take on an even greater challenge immediately afterwards. As we talked about what was going on for him, it turned out that he wasn't ill as such. But he was stressed. 

His stress had him literally tied in knots, bunched and spasming muscle, a headache and waves of nausea. Debilitated by fear and anxiety. Despite our collective efforts, he was unable to stake it off, and ended up pulling out of the exercise.

His reaction was at the extreme end of a continuum of stress - the other end being so unstressed that we are bored. Somewhere in the middle is peak performance where we are stressed enough to be motivated, but not so much that we are overwhelmed (If you want to know more about that, check out the Yerkes Dobson Curve). You may well have experienced some form of being overwhelmed during your life. In that state, it's very difficult to access your ability and rationale. Even simple decisions can seem impossible. Operating at that level takes an enormous amount of energy and is not sustainable.

When I'm speaking to people who are managing change programs, they often talk about resistance. Resistance sometimes shows up in spite of what people are saying. A person might have agreed to the change, and have even been enthusiastic about it, only to appear resistant later on. The typical response to resistance is to shove harder. More force rarely works and is usually matched with even greater resistance. 

Our pre dawn bloke was stressed and torn between a part of himself that really wanted to take on the challenge, and another that was unable to face it in that moment. He was concerned about appearing out of control, and incompetent in front of peers and mentors. This is often at the heart of resistance, and often is more to do with hard wired survival instinct than ego. For the vast majority of human history, we have lived in small tribes, or communities, reliant on each other's skill and competence for our very existence. in this context, incompetence was literally life threatening. When people are called upon to adopt something new, there's an inevitable period of uncertainly often accompanied by the need to learn new ways of doing. People will retreat to the familiar, especially if they are nearing their personal capacity of stress. It's not a conscious choice - they may not even be aware that they are doing it.

Rather than shoving harder, work on creating environments where the "new" can be engaged safely and playfully. Have explicit conversations about the unspoken expectations that create the resistance. - More on that next week. 

Healthy Change

Change is a complex process. Mostly, that is because there are people involved. The mechanics of change are usually fairly straight forward. As long as you know what needs to change, why it needs to change, and how you will change it, the rest should go well. Unfortunately, change is rarely that smooth. We run into resistance, confusion, lack of skill, fatigue  and sometimes downright sabotage. We run into issues when we treat change as a purely mechanical process.

Often leaders articulate the mechanics of a coming change very well, and are then surprised when people are not immediately on board. People are actually quite good at change. It's one of the things that has driven our technical and social evolution as a species. We are hard wired to find better and easier ways to do things, and to get more with less. But our inherent ability to change only kicks in when we have a sense of control over it, and when it has a positive meaning for us. Many organisational changes push us into short term situations of less competence and control. Often it significantly increases workloads and stress before the positive results are felt. When change feels threatening or out of control it's much more likely that people will not deal with it well. 

It's not enough to just articulate the mechanics. Leaders need to find ways to connect the change to people in ways that matter to them. Recognising and supporting people in the resulting stress are also important elements to success.

Tasha Broomhall at Blooming Minds gives some great tips in her latest ezine about managing change well. There's plenty of other good stuff in there for creating, maintaining and promoting mentally healthy workplaces. Check out the ezine here or click on the image.

Next week we'll get into some of the hidden aspects of change processes.

Who's involved?

The group sat in the shade and discussed their options. The campsite wasn't great. There was very little in the way of soft sand. In survival mode - literally sleeping on the ground -no soft sand means a hard nights sleep. The problem was it was also getting dark, and the group was walking in a gorge. Walking after dark was not a safe option. The group had almost decided to sleep here for the night. The trouble was not everyone had agreed. 

The group dispersed. Some people got busy collecting wood and water. Others began setting up a place to sleep. Two people were convinced that a better option existed just down the river. They decided to go check it out, recruiting another person on the way. They found a spot they preferred. Two people stayed there, replicating the effort of others upstream. The last came back to get the rest of the group. The trouble was no one else wanted to move. Not only had they not been involved in the revised decision, but they had also invested significant time and effort preparing this spot.

Eventually, the whole group got back together at the original spot. There were lots of disgruntled people, who remained dissatisfied for several days.

Over the past few weeks we have been looking at ineffective loops of behaviour. There are two here.

1. The majority of the group flew into action too quickly. They thought the decision had been made, but others were not convinced. Spending a few more minutes coming to a firm decision would have stopped the problem before it began.
2. The others made the subsequent decision without everyone present, and failed to communicate what they were doing and why. If they had gathered the group together for the discussion, or been more assertive in the original decision making process, they too could have headed it off at the pass.

Get clear before taking action. Involve all the key players.

Back Tracking

Once a survival group has decided to move, and which way to go - they get moving. In situations where there is a track to be followed, this is easy, but in wild bush it's a constant negotiation between the group and the terrain. As in life, there is seldom a well paved and clear path ahead. Making your way requires effort, thought and consistent forward movement.

The most effective groups will use game trails where they can, because the animals have cleared the way a bit. Walking on a game trail is always easier than pushing through bush. In the absence of a game trail, effective groups will negotiate obstacles by looking well ahead and choosing the route that takes them as close to the right direction as possible. A straight line in the bush just doesn't happen and sometimes the best way is longer but easier. 

The very best of groups will make every step a step forward if they possibly can. They'll go sideways if they have to, but they'll avoid going backwards at all costs. Having to turn back is energy sapping and mentally tough. You quickly feel like you are going nowhere.

Less effective patterns see groups charging ahead, getting stuck and having to back track, sometimes over the exact the same ground they have just walked. Sometimes it's unavoidable, but that's rare. Usually back tracking is caused by these factors which have strong parallels in business:

• Not having a clear enough plan.
• Taking action too quickly resulting in confusion.
• Spreading the group and resources out so far that they lose touch with each other and have to invest time getting back together.
• Not looking far enough ahead to anticipate potential issues.
• Taking short term easy options, that reduce or eliminate options further along. (one group walked down a wide sandy river bed, rather than cross a 50 metre mess of tangled trees at a river bend. 500 metres on they were stuck between a gorge wall and a 300 metre tangle of the same kinds of trees - it was back track or fight through.
• Wanting to confirm in great detail exactly where they are, rather than just heading for the next obvious check point.
• Not being proactive with resources - filling water bottles whenever it is possible, takes a little time, but avoids having to backtrack for water. 
• Leaving critical gear behind.

Sometimes it is worth deliberately backtracking. It's useful when you want to learn more about something you have passed along the way, or want to avoid making a similar mistake in the future. Otherwise the most effective pattern is to keep moving forward.

Decisions, decisions.

My last blog post stirred up a few questions from readers. People wanted to know what specific loops of behaviour were more or less effective. Over the next few weeks I'll unfold some of the more common ones.

The group sat around their morning camp fire. Debate raged back and forth about which way was the best way to go. They were partway through a 200km survival walk. Fatigue and hunger were beginning to play a part. Over the past days, the group had worked out that wasting effort took a toll on their energy and motivation. This morning's debate was about the most efficient route to take to their next check point. They had two clear options and opinion was divided about which was best.

It's a classic ineffective decision making loop. Just when a decision seemed to be made, the alternative was re opened for exploration. The decision making process dragged on and on. Neither party had enough information to mount a definitive case. By the time the group had settled on a decision, the day was heating up. They ended up walking through the heat, taxing their energy even further. The discussion had used up the cool of the day - the ideal time for action.

By the end of the walk, the group was operating as two fractured sub groups. They were making decisions by default, and sometimes taking action without even being clear about what they were doing, or why. The more decisions they made, the less decisive they became. People began second guessing themselves, and some pulled back from the process entirely.

They definitely did it tougher than they needed to.

By contrast groups that have effective decision making loops show these attributes.

• Explicit discussions about how they will make decisions, and resolve differing perspectives. They revisit these discussions often to ensure their process is working.
• Clear priorities. For example, taking action while it was cool always beat discussion at that time of day.
• Listening, openness and curiosity. They had ways to hear the quieter participants. Rather than just arguing they were keen to know what others were thinking and why.
• Deciding in advance. If the plan was to walk at first light, all decisions were made the night before, enabling action as soon as there was enough light.
• Reviewing decisions on the fly. In any situation, as you move forward, you get more information. Some of that sheds new light on your decisions, and may even mean they have to be changed. Rather that regretting the old decision, they simply made a new one and moved on.
• Group commitment. This is perhaps most important of all. Once decisions were made, the whole group committed to executing it. Whether they ultimately agree or not, effective groups take action together.

What can survival situations and scenarios teach us?

Many people are fascinated by survival and the two most common questions I get asked are:

"How did you get into teaching survival?" closely followed by, "Well that’s interesting Mike, but what’s it got to do with the real challenges and issues I face in my everyday life?"

Lets face it, it’s unlikely that most of us will face a genuine survival situation, where actual life of limb are at threat anytime soon. 

Over the years I’ve observed myself and many others in survival scenarios, and actual, life threatening situations. They are a great observation platform for human behaviour.

A survival situation is cleaner, clearer and less complex than the lives we typically live. There are straight, uncluttered lines between what people do, and the results of their actions. And, the feedback loops are rapid and aggressive. It’s possible to observe the outcome of a particular way of thinking or acting a short time after it has been used. Sometimes you get to see whether what you did was effective or ineffective in a matter of minutes or hours. At most it will be a few days. 

This combination of simplicity and rapid feedback make it possible to directly observe your habitual patterns of behaviour. How the survivalist makes decisions, leads, resolves conflict, deals with uncertainty, handles changes to plan, works under pressure, builds rapport, deals with disappointment, manages expectations, and their other patterns of behaviour are thrown into sharp relief against the backdrop of rapid feedback. Some patterns are more effective than others. Some people have a great toolbox of effective patterns. They handle uncertainty and difficulty with seeming ease. Others have patterns that make it more likely that things won’t go well for them, or the people around them.

Over the years I have seen the same patterns of behaviour I observe in the field show up in workplaces. They are present all the time, and get magnified when people are under pressure. In contrast to survival, work situations are much more complex. The feedback loops can be slow and indirect. At work, and in our relationships, it may be weeks, years, or even decades before we recognise the results of particular patterns. Even then, they may be so clouded in the complexity of projects, the patterns of other people, and the passage of time, that we may never gaze directly and clearly at the link between our patterns and our results.

Survival situations have much to teach us about the hard wired, ancient survival mechanisms we all have. They give great insights into the advantages and disadvantages of this incredible entity called a human being.

Having straddled the worlds of survival and organisational change for 20 years, I'm interested in giving people a bit of a user manual, helping them get the best out of themselves and the people around them when the pressure is on and the chips are down. 

What's the situation?

There's three types of situation we can be in.

1. A survival situation - If it is a physical situation life or limb will be at risk. In relationships or business the impact might be measured in loss of business, finances, or relationship breakdown. Survival situations are characterised by immanent and often dynamic threats which need to be dealt with decisively and quickly.
2. Just living - Things are neither extremely good, or extremely risky. These are great times for considered, proactive change or a deliberate, intentional rest.
3. A thriving situation - Life (or business) is going very well. Opportunities abound. Many aspects of the environment are aligning to create positive alliances, growth and possibilities. Make hay while the sun shines.

If we know what situation we are facing, we can intentionally and deliberately respond to it. It's amazing how often people think or react as if they are in a different situation to the one they are actually in. Sometimes people think, feel and act as if they are in a survival situation when they are not. It adds stress, they miss opportunities, and potentially they create a survival situation where there wasn't one.

The reverse can also be true, that we are in a survival situation, but think feel and act as if we are not. Very risky!

One of the clearest examples I see of this is on the road, but it happens in business and relationships as well.

 Every day I see a driver pick up their phone to check or send a message. It’s a clearly established fact that the instant you do so you massively increase the chances of crashing your car. 

Recent research by Professor Dingus in Virginia quantified this. He says, “Taking your eyes off the road to dial a cell phone or look up an address and send a text increases the risk of crashing by 600 to 2,300 per cent.”

If people were genuinely aware of this risk, they would never pick up the phone on the road. It is a genuine, life-at-risk survival situation. To be able to do that, there’s got to be a lack of acknowledgement of the real state. Either a sense that ‘I’m so bloody good at driving, this risk doesn’t apply to me” or “The traffic is cruisey, I’ve got heaps of space and time”.

There’s only three possible outcomes. 

1. A near miss. - This is the best possible outcome. It might shake the driver out of their complacent denial.
2. A sudden, violent reminder that Phone + Driving = Accident - This is at the very least destructive, always traumatic and in the worst case scenario, fatal. Definitely a bad outcome.
3. The driver gets away with it, reinforcing their delusion. - This actually significantly increases the future potential for 1 or 2 to occur. The fact the driver got away with it increases their sense that they are not in a survival situation, making it more likely that they will txt again, perhaps in increasingly busy traffic conditions, and for longer periods of time. 

All survival states are like this. The risk may not be directly to life or limb. It might be measured in financial or relationship terms, but ultimately lack of decisive and timely action will inevitably lead to a confrontation with the risk.

How do you determine what situation you are facing?

Effective Expectations

Expectations are powerful. They are uniquely human. As I work with individuals and businesses engaged in change, I often hear people say “Change is hard” or “people are not good at change”. I reckon this is a recent and not particularly useful myth. Humans have always been great at change. It’s the main reason we have achieved so much as a species. Stop for a moment and consider the incredible advances in every area of human endeavour. What we are capable of verges on miraculous sometimes. If we were not good at change we would still be living in caves. 

From the dawn of humanity we have been driven by 3 things that mean we are constantly looking to improve and evolve. We want to make things easier. We want to achieve more with less. We want to make things better. Da Vinci's inventions are great examples. He could see possibilities long before the technology existed to bring them to life.

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the conditions that surround him. The unreasonable man adapts surrounding conditions to himself. All progress therefore depends on the unreasonable man”

— George Bernard Shaw

We create an (often unreasonable) expectation that things can be better than their current state, and then we use those expectations to bend reality to meet us. For expectations to bend reality, they have to be crystal clear.

Action: Invest some regular time in clarifying your expectations. If others are involved communicate your expectations clearly to them. Allow time for exploration. Don’t expect people to automatically understand your expectations. 

That’s the powerful up-side to expectations. The down side comes when we hold them too tightly. Expectations cause us problems when:

• Reality is sending a clear message that what we expect is not currently possible.
• We persist with an unrealistic expectation.
• We hold them too tightly, causing blindspots, frustration, judgemental attitudes, defensiveness, conflict and anxiety.

Expectations held too tightly are the root cause of death in every survival situation. Nobody leaves town for a trip expecting to die. They expect to arrive at their destination. When they become lost or stranded, they still do not expect to die - they leave the vehicle expecting to walk to help. It is neither the expectation, nor the circumstance that is at fault; it is the fact that the expectation becomes immovable in the face of evidence that suggest a different tack.

Pursuing an expectation when reality dictates a change is a short road to frustration at best, and heavy losses at worst. These three elements are all present in Shackleton's expedition.

Action: Take regular opportunities for feedback about your expectations from the environment, circumstances your face, yourself and the people around you. Be prepared to modify or discard expectations if they are not serving you.

Expectations - Friction, Tension, and Conflict

Expectations and assumptions are the root cause of most tension, friction and conflict in all areas of human relationship. Both at work and at home. Part of the challenge of human performance and effectiveness is to articulate expectations and arrive at a shared understanding of what is important. It's a collective and individual process.

Even when we choose to have explicit conversations about expectations, the territory can be muddy. We frequently use language that in itself is laden with expectations and underlying assumptions. Words like 'respect', 'integrity' and 'accountability' usually draw easy agreement. There are few of us who would argue that these are not important. But the detail of what we mean by a term like respect can be difficult to articulate for ourselves and discover in others.

This morning at 4am, I joined a lecture at the University of North Dakota, Space Studies Program. I didn't even have to leave home. The lecture was delivered by Dr Sheryl Bishop who has spent the last 25 years researching human performance and team dynamics in isolated and hostile environments. She has spent time at the poles, deep cave diving, and simulation of space habitats. She also conducted some research in conjunction with Bob Cooper on one of his Advanced Survival Exercises in the Pilbara.

Dr Bishop made an interesting point about how challenging it is to get people to even acknowledge that there is an underlying expectation or assumption at play.

She showed this photo of the crew dining table on the old Skylab Space Station. When it is not in use, the table folds down, leaving just the central pillar. Crew were moving through this room all day, and the Earth based control team noticed that they all pulled themselves around the pillar. It was so much more effort than simply flying over the top. 

When asked, the crew were unable to explain why they did it, especially when there were such obviously easier ways. After a few days of reflection they came back with this explanation. "It just doesn't seem right or polite to fly right over the top of our dining table." The crew had unanimously adopted a practice that took more effort and was based on expectations. They had never discussed it, and even when asked directly about it, took a while to identify why.

Dr Bishop's quote of the day for me was, "Often our expectations and assumptions are completely invisible, even to ourselves."

Had there been a crew member onboard who took the direct, and easier route through the dining room, this would have been a source of possible friction or conflict for the crew. In situations like that people often say things like, "He doesn't respect us." They are not even consciously aware of what the person is specifically doing to create the friction.

As leaders, subtle friction or tension is an early indicator that there are unmet expectations in play. Time spent exploring, and clarifying your expectations and those around you is never wasted. Greater clarity results in better performance, cohesion and dynamics, all of which are better for business.

Systems, Expectations, Promises

Lessons from the Hospitality Industry

She looked away, and seemed to busy herself with other things. With what exactly was hard to tell. We hung in the doorway, wondering what the process was. The breakfast buffet was obvious in front of us, but being our first morning we had no idea whether to make ourselves at home and just get stuck in, or wait to be seated. There were some awkward moments while we hung there whispering to each other about what to do next.

Eventually we made our way to  a table where the experience continued. A notice at the table said we could order eggs ad coffees. The person we had seen earlier seemed to have vanished. We started to make a coffee at the coffee machine, which prompted a staff member to show up and take over. With a bit of a push we got her to take our egg order as well.

These are really small issues AND  they have a significant impact on customer experience. The following day, it was as if we were in a different hotel chain. We were greeted by name by 3 highly visible staff, who asked where we wanted to sit, and took a coffee and egg order as soon as we were comfortable. They took the time to find out what we planned to do for the day, and offered assistance to organise it if we needed it. Gentle music played in the background. 

The fundamentals hadn't changed - there were staff, and food, and furniture - but the second day was easier, much more pleasurable and more in keeping with the promises of a high end 5 star hotel.

Hospitality done well demonstrates many behind the scenes things done well. They have systems to let them know who guests are, and if they are returning, to record some preferences.  Staff put people at ease, and live up to the promises made by the chains reputation or star rating. They also do  great job of checking in with people to see if expectations are met.

So often, the businesses I work with or experience seem to regard it as the customer/client job to navigate their systems. Sometimes it's as if the customer is actually a hinderance. Some businesses have great systems, but use them sporadically, or not at all. Either way it results in an inconsistent experience for the customer. 

In a world where people are time poor, overloaded with information and decisions, businesses can deliver a sense of certainty to their customers, just by being courteous, consistent and committed.

Over the past few months I have been doing some work in partnership with The Bullshift Company. One of the explicit values of the company is "Be easy to deal with". We will work around our own internal issues and glitches to ensure that the customer experiences us as easy to deal with.

What can you do during the next 30 days to raise the level of consistency, certainty and comfort your customers experience? How will you ensure that experience continues beyond the end of the month?

Finding the Right Focus

Each year I like to try at least one thing I have never done before. I find that it helps to keep my mind sharp. I'm exposed to an area of knowledge I haven't been exposed to before, and the new practice forces me out of my well worn, and habitual grooves. From a leadership point of view, it also reminds me what it feels like to be in unfamiliar territory. We often ask others to step up, but if we continually operate within known territory ourselves, we can forget how unsettling a new space can be to the people around us. 

This year, I've been doing some work with Bradley Hunter at The Shed Functional Fitness. Brad is a master of kettle bells, and a seriously good personal trainer. The end of last year for me was hectic, and I found myself adding kilos and stress. I needed a new physical routine.

I've found myself in possession of a couple of shiny new kettle bells. They don't yet have the knocks and scrapes of Brad's set. Aside from the physical benefits, the bells quickly schooled me in being present, paying attention, and finding the right focus. It's worth finding at least one thing in your life that demands being present in the here and now. 

Kettle bells work in part because they force you into dynamic and unstable movements which switch on core and stabilising muscles. If you are not mentally switched on as well, they bite! Safety is a big part of the training, and Brad had briefed me really clearly on how to safely enter and exit each move.

During my first workout at home, I dropped my focus for less than a second. As I rolled over to complete the sequence, I forgot to focus on the bell. It literally took off. A quick but awkward roll managed to get the thing back on the ground without it doing damage to me, or turning into a wrecking ball. All up it was a better outcome than what could have been.

After that initial wakeup call, I find myself instantly present as soon as I touch a kettle bell now. It's almost like meditation!

I like to find activities that demand that kind of presence. It's what I strive to bring to all aspects of my life and work. When I manage that level of presence, I deliver better results, listen more, learn more, and both my business and personal relationships flourish.

Now the heady days of New Years resolutions are well behind us, if you were going to try one new thing this year - something fun, motivating and beneficial - what would that something be? The menu is endless. Will you choose a one off experience like diving with sharks or visiting a new country? Perhaps a course to develop a new skill set? Maybe a dance class? Build a new habit? Join a book club? Or try something new in business like a partnership or new offering? 

What will you do this year that's new and different? What will that new space teach you?

If in doubt - make tea!

My friend, mentor and colleague, Bob Cooper, designed a pocket sized survival kit. It’s built small so that people can easily carry it. Many kits are too large, and either get left at home, or left with the vehicle.

Either way, it results in a person being lost or stranded without their survival kit. As you can imagine space is at a premium in such a small kit, containing over 40 items. We often get asked why space is dedicated to a tea bag, and a coffee sachet.

The kit is supplied to Australian Special Forces Soldiers. One soldier, after a significant and difficult deployment wrote to Bob saying that the kit was great, and the most important item in it was the tea bag. It speaks volumes to the reason the tea bag is in there in the first place. In the stress and pressure of protracted “field work”, a cup of tea leant a measure of sanity, familiarity and a comfort zone to his life.
That’s why one of the Thrive and Adapt principles is:

If in doubt - make tea.

There are many situations and circumstances that call for a rapid decision. Whether you make them based on an intuitive understanding, or logic, sometimes there’s no escaping the need for a decision right now.

At other times there’s doubt, pressure, and critical information is missing. It may be that you are making a reactive decision based on some or all of those factors. At times like that, making tea is a great thing to do. The ritual and familiarity of your favourite brew, takes you to a comfort zone, and the 15 minutes to drink it may be sufficient to refocus for the pending decision. If not “make tea” becomes an analogy for “take time”. Sleep on it, seek more information, change tasks, spend time in reflection or retreat - what ever strategy best suits the situation.

Richard Branson sites delaying decisions as having saved him from many spectacular failures, had he made a rapid decision in the moment. He also says that he has missed some opportunities as a result, but never enough to outweigh the process of taking time.

When we run advanced survival courses, the act of making a fire and a cup of tea brings an air of comfort and relaxation to an otherwise challenging situation. There’s a reason that so many cultures have rituals and ceremonies around tea.

 What decisions/pressure points are you facing this week that would be better served by stepping back and taking time?

Go on - Make Tea!

Business Trends

There's been some interesting discussion around this infographic. Some suggest that businesses that don't actually own what they trade in are a new phenomenon. I'm not so sure about that. Throughout human history there are examples of people who connect others with ideas, resources and networks, without necessarily owning the underlying resource themselves. I think it shows 3 things, only one of which is a new and growing trend: 1. People are hard wired to be connected to each other. Any business, community, network, village, tribe, association etc that makes connection easy and worthwhile for the people involved will get traction. That's been true for at least as long as we have been gathering around campfires sharing tools, resources, food, relationships, wisdom etc. It's unlikely to change any time soon. 2. Any business that can offer a quality, customer centric service which either solves a problems, make life easier, or creates choice will be a winner. All the businesses mentioned do most (if not all of these things). That's also nothing new, and is unlikely to change anytime soon. 3. Businesses that offer 1 and 2 and can do that in a genuinely nimble and truly global way stand to make massive connections, do massive volumes of business, and therefore stand to make huge profits. That in itself is not new, there are ancient examples of global business as well. What has changed is the speed at which it can be accomplished, the amount of people that can be reached. Further the tools to achieve these kinds of results are getting more accessible, more powerful, easier to use and cheaper to access. If you had to make your business work in an environment where you couldn't physically meet your customer, they were on the other side of the world, and you had to be immediately responsive - how would you do it and what could you achieve? I expect we'll be seeing a lot more examples of these kinds of businesses arriving with greater speed and creating even more stellar results

Reflections from the recent Pilbara Retreat

Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are